Soulless Skylark
by Soulless Skylark
Summary: After killing Voldemort Harry Potter flees to the muggle world with guilt and self-loathing. On the verge of taking his own life Harry is found by none other than Theodore Nott, a spy for the light during the war. Theo's obsession with fixing pretty things draws him to Harry with longing to mend Potters wing so he can fly again.
1. Broken Bird

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter J.K Rowling does.**  
**

**Summery: **After killing Voldemort Harry Potter flees to the muggle world with guilt and self-loathing. On the verge of taking his own life Harry is found by none other than Theodore Nott, a spy for the light during the war. Theo's obsession with fixing pretty things draws him to Harry with longing to mend Potters wing so he can fly again.

**Warnings:** Slightly SLASH (nothing graphic), self harm, suicidal thoughts.

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**Soulless Skylark**

**Chapter 1: Broken Bird**

The rain fell. Dotted patterns were painted along the tread-worn path. The birds incessant chirping above raised to a high pitched, harmonic, staccato tune. And yet the boy still sat there feet, bare and muddy, engulfed in water, tentacles of brown reaching out in the clear pond, searching for something to grip on to. The swirling ebony hair, now plastered against his shoulders with rain, contrasting to the pale skin that covered the high cheek bones of his face and long length of his neck. Despite the boys slumped defeated shoulders, his head tilted upwards as droplets slandered the hard ground, to gaze at the gloomy, depressive stretch of grey ahead, revealing startling emerald eyes and rosy lips that parted softly to catch the falling nectar. The pond was now a decorative piece of swirling ripples.

_**It had been a rough day. I got up late, the nightmares keeping me up until nearly dawn before the quieted down to allow me some sleep. It just made it harder to get up, to face the world, to face the guilt.**_

This was all the man behind the bush saw at first glance, but upon looking closer he noticed the sunken cheeks and far too thin waist of the lad, as well as the desolate, haunting look lingering fiercely within the vibrant green eyes. Clothes swamped his small frame, though glasses no longer resided on his face. Broken. The man realised. The boy was broken. He came off as rather plain; another face in the endless crowd. He had a kind of simplistic, yet elegant, beauty. Something that one would not notice unless peering upon the creature for a great length of time.

A Skylark. This was the conclusion the tall male came to. Harry Potter is a Skylark.

Skylarks are small, brown, common birds. Always over looked and not appreciated for their timeless grace and splendour; and this seemed the perfect description for how Harry Potter looked at this exact moment.

_**The sheet had slipped from the mirror this morning, I covered it up quickly but not before catching sight of my sickly pale and gaunt face, the ugly scar bright red and mocking me. Lifeless green eyes filled with horror.**_

Theodore Nott had always liked pretty things and Potter most definitely fell into the category of pretty, if not beautiful and exquisite. Theo, as he liked to be called, was always there, just watching Harry and his 'so-called friends'. He had watched how after 7 years of friendship they had deserted him when he needed them most. It had been after the final excruciating battle, Theo was injured by his own father once it was revealed he was a 'light' spy and was in St. Mungo's recovering when he heard raised voices from further down the ward.

"What? I can't stay at the burrow anymore?" The voice was unmistakably his pretty obsession.

"Yeah, sorry mate, it's just very crowded with Percy, Charlie, Bill and a pregnant Fleur moving back in, you know? I'm sure you can buy an apartment somewhere, or someone will let you move in 'cause you're bloody Harry Potter and all that."

A tenacious voice answered, "Yeah, I guess."

"Knew you'd understand, see you around." Were Ron Weasley's parting words boomed across the ward as he strolled with his girlfriend towards the door.

"Goodbye Harry." Granger and Weasley then left hand in hand.

_**The bare cabinets in my room only succeeded to remind me how alone I was. Everyone hated me now; they might have tried to hide it but the disgust in their eyes in my presence was blindingly obvious and horrifically painful.**_

It never seemed to be the same with the Golden Trio after that. Ron and Hermione appeared to simply fade from Harry's troubled life. They were never seen together just a month after the battle, the newly engaged couple were too wrapped up in each other and there was constantly an excuse for them not to visit Potter who was put under mental investigation to assure his sanity after murdering Voldemort. There was even a rumour that he just barely just got off being called a danger to the public and himself.

_**Maybe I am mad. Perhaps there is something wrong with me. Something irreversible and permanent. I couldn't bare the silence of my room so I headed to the pond near the park for something to do. I realised my mistake as I gazed at my reflection in the water. But it then started raining, distorting the picture, so it was alright. **_

And here he was, 6 months later in a pretty much desolated muggle area. Theodore had been searching for him for weeks before finding out that the clever wizard had registered for an apartment under the name 'James Evans' just outside the small village of Little Hangleton. His father having been a Death Eater Theo had done the research and was astonished when he realised this was near the location of Voldemort's deceased father home. Why would Potter ever choose to live there? But then he had the epiphany that of course Potter would choose this place. It was pretty much close to the last place anyone would look, if they even did want to find him. But if you were looking hard enough, like Theo was, it is possible.

_**The rain was cold and hard. Just how I like it. The chill burrowed under my skin until I was nearly shaking, but I stayed still, it's not like I deserve anything else.**_

Now, why would Theo want to find Harry Potter in the first place? If it weren't for his love of beautiful people there were no links between the two. However, Theo had a certain addiction for fixing things, whether they were objects or people, and his goal for the last few months were quite simply: to fix Harry Potter. Theo really did love a challenge.

_**With no distractions my mind could not help but spin round in endless circles like a broken record. You're a freak, nobody loves you, they all left… You're a freak, nobody loves you, they all left…**_

Potter and Theo had never really ever spoken, so it was with apprehension the taller man approached him with careful, well placed footsteps that were soft but still alerted Harry to his presence. It was obvious when Potter realised he wasn't alone. His shoulders tensed and he withdrew his feet from the pond before curling up into a tight ball as if afraid Theo might attack him. He didn't turn around.

_**Footsteps. I hoped it was just a random passerby. **_

"Potter." Said Theo quietly. "Are you alright?" Came his kind question.

Twisting his head, Potter came to gaze upon Theo's 6'2 lightly toned body with sturdy limbs. Green eyes met the gold of the kempt brunette with wavering hesitation.

"Nott?" Potter asked in disbelief.

_**What was he doing here? Nobody is supposed to find me here; it's supposed to be safe, away from other people. All that hard work on legalised document s is ruined if Nott tells anyone were I am. They'll find me again and make me their poster boy. The representation of every pure and light when I am anything but. **_

"Theo, please, may I call you Harry?"

The Saviour nodded hazily. "I'm fine." The words were so resoundingly hollow, obviously from being repeated many times. "What are you doing here, Nott? I mean, Theo?" He tacked on at the raised eyebrow.

"I'm here looking for you actually. I'd hoped we could become acquainted. The war is finally over and I can express myself how I like, as well as strike up a friendship with you."

_**How can I trust him? I can never trust anyone again. Trust is only there to be broken and betray people. My 'friends' taught me that lesson when they all left. **_

"How did you find me?" Harry blurted out. "I made it almost impossible; I don't want any contact with the wizarding word anymore. I don't need to feel even more guilty and used. I refuse to." The defiant glare from the petit, distressed wizard was oddly endearing to Theo and made him smile despite of the situation and depressing circumstances. "Did you come find me to laugh at me? To spit on my face? Or to ask me questions about how _great_ it was to KILL someone? It didn't matter that it was the Dark Lord. It was still a person. An alive, living breathing person, no matter _how_ evil they are." Potters eyes burned with a raging passion whilst speaking, it seemed like he'd never confessed this before. Then Harry remembered who he was talking too and blushed lightly. "Sorry, I shouldn't be saying these things, I'm sorry, so sorry- please-"

"No Harry. I'm sorry. No-one should have been put through those things, especially a 17 year old boy! And that's why I'm here. I want to help you Harry. Please, just give me the chance to help you, it will get better. I promise." Theo pressed.

_**The genuine honesty in his gold eyes forced me to believe him. I felt myself drawn towards him, helpless to do anything else. I heard myself agreeing somewhat unwillingly to his words. And all the time I'm afraid I'm setting myself up for an even larger fall.  
**_

"Okay." And it was with that simple word Theodore Nott took Harry's Potters hand and helped him to his feet. They walked in the heavy rain to Harry's apartment and whilst gazing at the beautiful Skylark Theo swore to himself that he would mend this broken bird's wing and help him fly again.

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**A/N:** This will be slow on updates due to the rough time at home I'm having but I feel letting my feelings out through this story will be good for me. It will be kept short but I hope you enjoy it. Until Next time.

**Soulless Skylark x**


	2. You Against Me

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter J.K Rowling does.**  
**

**Summery: **After killing Voldemort Harry Potter flees to the muggle world with guilt and self-loathing. On the verge of taking his own life Harry is found by none other than Theodore Nott, a spy for the light during the war. Theo's obsession with fixing pretty things draws him to Harry with longing to mend Potters wing so he can fly again.

**Warnings:** Slightly SLASH (nothing graphic), self harm, suicidal thoughts.

* * *

**Soulless Skylark**

**Chapter 2: You Against Me**

Bare. Empty. Lonely. Were all words that could easily describe Harry's current way of living. Sure, it was neat, tidy and clean but lacked any kind of personal touch displaying someone lived here. There were no photos on any surface or clothing flung about the room. The dark bed was neatly made and the wooden furniture polished to the state of spotlessness. Plain floorboards rested on the floor, not even squeaking when Theo stepped on them.

_**I think he's studying the room. Does he like it? His eyes narrow. Perhaps it's not to his usual pureblood standard. Part of me hopes he leaves in disgust at my living quarters while a niggling in the back of my mind hopes he stays. I long for a human presence. I haven't been around anyone for so long.**_

Harry seemed unsure of himself, never once looking in Theo's direction, only nervously flashing glances to the dark corners as if looking for a place to hide. To be perfectly honest Theo didn't really know what to do either, with all his time spent on finding Harry Potter to help him get started again in life he hadn't actually considered just_ how _he was going to achieve it. He decided to start by simply getting to know one another, confidently striding to the seating strategically placed around the fire. He settled down on the sofa patting the spot next to him, he frowned slightly when Harry shuffled to the opposite armchair before curling into a defensive ball, eyes downcast.

_**I can't bear to sit near him, he reminds me of the friends I lost, of the easy casual touches that I never appreciated until I had to go without them. It reminds me of the 10 years at the beginning of my life with the Dursleys. They never dared touch the freak unless a beating was needed. Touch then meant pain.**_

"Harry." Theo sighed. "This isn't going to work if you won't look at me." He stretched across to grip Harry's chin, not relenting even when Harry flinched away from his touch. "Harry..." Theo stressed. The desperation in his voice seemed to draw Harry's attention as he looked up and locked his emerald eyes with Theo's. "That's better."

_**Theo's eyes are open and warm. They draw me in like a bee to honey.**_

Theo let go aware of the smaller boy's discomfort. "Now. Please Harry. Tell me why you've run off like this? No-one's seen you for months!"

_**I'm unwanted.**_

A small voice answered. "I didn't want anyone to see me. A lot of people don't want to see me anyway. I've done what they've asked. I have no use anymore."

"You really don't think that do you? Many people care about you, the Prophet speculates where you've gone to at least once a week!" Theo exclaimed. He didn't believe that Harry thought that he, the saviour of the wizarding world, wouldn't be missed.

_**Of course, the bloody Prophet. He only wants a story. I should have never invited him here, I trust too easy.**_

"Yes, of course _the Prophet_ miss their damn "chosen one" no doubt in a few months time he'll be the new Dark Lord and everyone will turn against him. I'm not him, I'm not "the-boy-who-lived" or whatever you want to call it. I am just me. Just Harry. No-one just wants Harry." Croaked the green eyed boy.

"Well "Just Harry" what about others, your year mates, Seamus, Dean and Neville? I know for a fact they miss you." Theo didn't even to want to mention Ron or Hermione after the deep internal scar they left Harry.

"It would be best for them if they just get on with their lives without me. I always cause nothing but trouble. They'll soon forget about the boy called Harry Potter who slept in their dorm for 6 years."

_**I'd forgotten about them. Hogwarts seems like such a long time ago, it's almost faded into a dream, the impressions are still there, details are missing.**_

The honest that prevailed in his eyes forced Theo to believe his words. This was not the Harry Potter he knew. The Harry he had always seen at Hogwarts was the strong, confident boy who had everyone's respect with his open honesty and charm. The hardships of the war had obviously torn this away from the wizard. Being forced to kill a man, no matter how evil they were, had to do something to a person and the proof was right in front of his eyes. The guilt bent posture and limp form made Theo want to take the boy in his arms and squeeze him tight to push the pieces back together.

_**His amber flecked eyes harden. He's decided to leave. I'm too much trouble, he's only just realised it and now wants out. Theo leant forward to get up, I just squeezed my eyes shut, unable to face another rejection.**_

And so Theo did. Wrapping strong arms around the shaking body Theo drew Harry on to his lap tucking the head full of raven curls into the crook of his neck.

_**I struggled. I feel trapped, suffocated. His arms were like steel bands and left no room for escape.**_

He didn't let go until the writhing body trying to get away settled into his chest. That's when the tears started and Harry's shuddering breaths filled the air.

_**I finally succumbed to the warmth of Theo's chest. An aching longing wrapped painfully around my heart. And I broke despite the arms holding me together, this touch wasn't painful, it was warm and full of caring. It was just him and me. We seem like the only people in the world.**_

"Shh, it will be alright. I know things are looking down and you're hurt but it will get better. I promise Harry. I promise."

_**I'm not an idiot Theo. I'm broken and can't be fixed. I'm irreparable, but for now it's just you against me.**_

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Theo walked out into the rain, knowing Harry needed time alone after not being around people. It was getting dark so with a heavy sigh he apparated away from Little Hangleton and to his modest house in London. It was peacefully quiet in his home, jus the way he liked it. Theo grabbed a glass and a bottle of firewhiskey, he needed to stop his head from pounding and relax.

He opened his current book and attempted to read but his thoughts always seemed to come swerving back to a certain green eyed boy. He felt like screaming at Harry to show him he was worth more than what people expected. He wanted to grab his shoulders and shake them hard. He needed to get those eyes sparkling with happiness again.

Realising he had been staring at the same page for 10 minutes Theo closed the book and put away the remaining whiskey. He strode up the stairs and into his bedroom. It was with a heavy heart Theo prepared for bed and drifted to sleep thought revolving around Harry Potter.

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_**After Theo left I was alone again with the deafening silence. I trudged into the bathroom opening the draw to get out a washcloth for my tear streaked face. I can't believe I let myself be so vulnerable. I was weak. I am weak. I need to be stronger. The feeling of hate, self loathing, despair and loneliness were clawing at me again. I need to escape. I spotted my knife in the draw and sucked in a breath. **_

_**I was filled with desire. I picked it up out of the draw feeling the weight of it in my hand. This is what I need, I deserve the pain; it takes away the guilt and overwhelms all my other feeling until only the sweet euphoria of swirling hazy pain is left. I bring the sharp tip to my wrist, relishing the cool metal before applying pressure and dragging it across my skin. It's shallow. So shallow no blood appeared. I look at it in disgust, ashamed of my weakness before starting a new line parallel to it.**_

_**This time blood is pulled to the surface. Small tiny droplets that run down my hand, along my palm, down my fingers and splash onto the floor. I let out a sigh of relief as adrenalin and pain rush through my system before the desire overwhelmed me again. Another cut. Another slash, this time a zigzag from the other. And another. And then 3 more. The empty feeling in my stomach is almost gone, engulfed by the sharp aching. This is good. This is what I deserve. Another scratch of the knife. Another rip of skin. My arm is littered with red cuts and I feel so much better because of it.**_

_**I know it isn't healthy. I know it just makes me more abnormal, more of a freak. But it make's living bearable, and for the moment it will have to do.**_

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**A/N: **Thank you for the reviews. R, yes I am alright thank you. Sorry for the wait, enjoy the chapter.

**Soulless Skylark**


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